working and working and working only this time, it’s for the right reasons. i am more focused than ever. and sometimes focus fuzzes a bit when love is involved. therefore, as already declared, love can not impede my love for my career right now. sometimes it hurts. sometimes i get nostalgic. that’s why i think whatever happened b/w us happened for a reason. you taught me that it wasn’t all fairy-tales. i taught you that it was.
-start a real blog
-learn how to use final cut pro
-learn how to make beats
-learn an instrument
-work on a solo ep
-promote
-network
-get in even better shape, eat healthier and what not.
-save up money for a possible trip to europe in the fall
-keep writing
-read read read
-do it.
only took me a day to get sad about being at home. sad about the fact my parents work so hard. sad that my mom doesn’t have the material things she so desperately desires. sad that she looks at me with disappointment. sad that i can’t prove to my parents that i’m going to be ok because it isn’t guaranteed. sad that i’m lonely. sad that my friends at home don’t see eye to eye anymore - they are into partying and living “life” and i’m focused and goal-oriented. sad that my dad has regrets. sad that i’m like my dad no matter what i do and it’s a gift and a curse. sad that my dad tells me i won’t end up like him because i’m so much smarter than he ever will be. sad that i’m sad. but i’m happy about it as well. i feel this. i feel these feelings. i’m not running away from them like everybody else. and unlike everybody else i will use these feelings to fuel me. to push me. to motivate me so i can achieve. so i can get my family what they need. so that they can believe in me. so that my mother smiles EVERYTIME SHE SEES ME ON THE COVER OF THE SOURCE. i can sit here and dwell and reach for that cigarette i know is in my mother’s drawer. or i can sit HERE, finish this invigorating post, finish this internship application, and strive for something GREAT and never settle and push until I get that fucking smile on my mother and father’s face. they have DONE EVERYTHING for me, for ME, a motherfucking piece of shit, or at least one for 21 1/2 years. I cannot let them suffer another day. or struggle. it’s on me. it’s always been on me. and goddamnit i’m gonna fucking do it. if not for me. for them.
“I’m about to move back to the city. And I’m about to be the man I’ve always wanted to be. And I always thought I needed you but it was you who needed me.” — kraun
Submitted by b0h0-babe
[video]
So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, comformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
-CHRISTOPHER MCCANDLESS
So intelligent, but so damn stupid. Can’t believe he died the way he did -__- Waste of a brain.
(Source: theb-sideofthings, via crazyinsane)
I’m alarmed by the condoms expiring,
calm isn’t the norm when its been a while since being involved was in style.
mama’s harmful inquiries, inquiring,
why her son is awful in science,
but cautiously confiding in accomplices instead of random all-nighters,
violently, hiding behind one night stands,
trying to gather all of the information one might cram,
tenaciously chasing the sun-light trance.
Choosing a career over a relationship.
Clearly evading it, escaping the tears instead of courageously facing it.
but what is love without an exit strategy?
Did I say I love you? what if I meant it actually instead of enveloping sentiment fallacy, selfishly panicking, forgetting we left, negligent packing but selfless rhetoric carries me - awkwardness.
We drifted apart like the continents, or so they say, irrationally obvious.
My family abolishes, how did we get tragically caught in this.
A graduate trying to crack the balance of mrs.jackson and mrs.robinson.
I’m horny and I lost all of the contacts in my phone.
Scrolling through twitter, direct messages are directly messing with the callbacks I didn’t own.
Fallback you city drone, Eat shit and die, take all that if you roam.
I miss misses mysteriously,
missing the mrs. as mischievously as maniac mcgee did insidiously.
There I was, standing in front of a broken mirror. Hopeless fear, her, me, the thoughts aggravated. By, lost salutation, across saturation, the tears flooded. The years hugged him, explained there are ups and there are gravel pits. And life is not a first draft, you cannot sample it. If you’ve mishandled this, then write life a secret fable. This is a war, you are fighting the price for a seat at the table. One that a carpenter built. But his signature withers, it is winter and you are harder than this. Sex is not marks on a quilt - it is profound. The darkness troubles you. Guarded by the apartment you fuddled through. What has become of you? Have you gone tired of the optimism? As you watch renditions of artists that aren’t dropping diction. Have you forgotten the colossal mission? Have you forgotten the promises you promised during Fall Admissions? Call it all admittance. Call it all conviction. But it is all commitment, and dedication. For a career-choice that has already ripped in your reputation. But then again, weeks ago. You made a vow you’d never cheech and chong. But you didn’t give a fuck about either though. So this bleaker flow, neither grows nor agrees with growth. And you’ve walked a mile in your own shoes and still the sneakers glow. Where is the journey? Isn’t the suspense a must yet? Haven’t you found a girl that you can trust yet? Apparently not. And it’s scaring me doc. I feel so-low but clearly the top is the direction I need to steer to and pops won’t listen because I’m tearing out rocks and I’m seconds away of unveiling this glock which means they’re a legend away from hearing the cops. Stop this shit. The topic switched, stopped exchanging vomit wrists for accomplishments, and reminded myself that this is life, we’re watching this. Witnessing the silly shit. Witnessing the technological advancements. Watching the chronological entrapment. I’m GOING TO MAKE IT. “It’s impossible,” you’re gasping. Mixing shit with trash bins. I’m sick of talking. I’m sick of the trances. The struggle. The will we must endure. And still the love is pure. And still I only put my trust in words - like trustworthy or distrust. I’m still me. You are still you. We are still us. Won’t let me voice my opinion - I will filibust. I’ve been down in the gutter over silly sluts. I’ve been irked by gas tanks that no matter how much money you put in, it never fills it up. But the moral is, those that continue, and speak louder. Are those that the kids can reach prouder. Without having to think “COKE” when they see bleached powder. Or visualize “JOKE” when their teachers chatter. This is a community, it might be killing you to die. But its killing me that some of us only willingly survive.
“home fixes everything.” — ep